The Painful trip to Ohio and back

Thank god, that I am saved.

But that doesn't stop me from hating my dad more. But he's my dad. No matter how irresponsible he is, a kid stuck in a grown up failing to act like a dad.

My fraternal grandpernts live in Ohio, in a city where nothing is happening and everything is dying. It look like it used to be a cool place in the 70's or 80's but then people moved out and the businesses closed down. But I love my granny and I hadn't seen her in a while so I knowilingly agreed to a five hour road trip to ohio. Oh but its this saturday. Oh yeah and the women he left my mother for is tagging along yippee!!

That's how my dad like to let people know things. Dropping fragments one by one saving the worst for very last.

Oh I'm just sleeping at work.
Oh I just rented out a room someone where, your momma is crazy.
Oh yeah, the roomate is a woman.
Who I hapeen to be fucking.
And leaving my wife and kids for.

I didn't know about Mrs.X (yeah she's still married but seperated) tagging along til the day before. Yeah, she was taggging along because she was paying for everything: tiny ass rental car? check. Hotel room 30 mins away from grans house so they do god knows? Hell yes. His Balls? In a bag. I swear I never saw my dad pull out his wallet once. She's his sugarmamma?

I couldn't help but think, as I do when I always see her, what does she have that my mom didn't have? Why did her leave my mom for her? I have the mindset that she's downright ugly but I am unsure if that was my hate making her ugly in my eyes. Is it normal?
I know I am very much like my mother which makes me worry if my future husband may leave me for some characteristic or what not that I am not aware of?

Ughh..

Anyways car was cramped, ride was long, why are sibling always so annoying. I hope they get better with age, because i almost can't stand to even think about being around them with their constant bickering.

I was so happy when we got there so I could get out of their enviornment, and go up and set up quarters in the guestroom. The night we got there I mostly caught up with my step sister who I had not seen in ages, it crazy how we were so close in age (six months apart :$) but it seemed as if we were in two different worlds. Her living in cleveland with her beau and two kids, overall happy but going through all sorts or turmoil, we discussed my failures and how I was trying to make for them and my dads horrible parenting.

I told her that I had finally realized that what my dad did to her family he did to mine as well, it seemed as if he wasn't happy and had an escape route he'd take it. Was he bored? who knows?

I referred to a conversation I had with my dad earlier, it was about the Marines- where my parent's had met and conceived me. I asked him why he enlisted to which he responded " I had one baby and another coming on the way I was trying to get out of there anyway possible."

Nice answer. My stepsister agreed that it was tasteless and showed his true character. One of those dumbasses who go around fucking chicks and cant be bothered with a condom. then he's wondering why all these chicks coming up pregnant and how is all that money being deducted from his check. That's back child support.

I wished my mom did file for child support. But she's stronger then that.

Next day i spent all day in church, freezing and/or sweating, and running after my neices and nephews so they wouldn't get their skulls cracked open.

The trip was worht it because i got to see my grandparents, I only see the once ever two or three years so I value all my time with them. My grandmother is a devoted christian pastor with her own church and I think the world of her. Or I did...